Josh: Hello Everyone. Today we have a special guest. We've been trying to get an interview with him for some time now, and believe me he isn't easy to track down. Lisa and I have known him for years and now it is our great privilege to...
Wimbly: Be quiet Spooner!
Josh: Heh heh; he's a cute little fella.
Wimbly: He has indigestion. Accidentally swallowed a Willow Wisp this morning.
Josh: Awe, poor little guy. Is there something we can do for him?
Wimbly: Have you got any Ogre mead?
Josh: Um, not at the moment. Uh, we...used it all up yesterday.
Wimbly: Oh that's too bad. He's going to be a bit burpy then. Tried everything the first time this happened...Elvish peptate, Khajathi Sithle root, spam cheese hogey dogs...
Wimbly: Buuuut, for some reason the only thing that seemed to calm his belly down was a nice swig of Ogre mead (you know the homemade kind with the little sprinkles o' maggot fly garnish).
Wimbly: Also, he may act a little, uh, he he, peculiar here and there. Just so you know. But pay him no mind (he's also a little nervous, you know, being on teleo-vision and all).
Josh: We're not on television.
Wimbly: Oh. Did you hear that Spooner? No Feonora's Funniest Home Gladiators tonight after all. Tsk tsk.
Josh: Well, ah hem. Sorry we're all out of Ogre mead old boy.
Wimbly: Point the other way Spooner! Your breath is killing me!
Josh: As I was saying, we've got a real treat for you today folks. I'm joined by my good friend Wimbly Middletoe...and his faithful companion [checks notepad] Spooner Bartholomew Francisco Achoo the Third...Esquire.
Wimbly: You can call him Spooner for short.
Josh: Thank you. And his faithful companion - Spooner. As many of you already know, Wimbly is one of the most famousest Hauflins in all of Feonora, who has made quite a name for himself - especially around about the town of Villageton and, we hear, even in the halls of the Royal Court.
Wimbly: Did I ever tell you about the time I had to rescue the Queen's favorite royal gown from the clutches of an eeeevil tailor, bent on the destruction of the entire world!? You see, his devious plot involved a conspiracy to tie everyone's shoelaces together...
Wimbly: I love that story. Especially the part where the tailor had captured and cruelly stitched me into the gown and I couldn't call for help or anything and Spooner was nowhere to be found because he had run off with that Froglet from the traveling show and then the Queen went to put on the gown and...
Josh: Uh, Ok. I'm sure we'd all love to hear that story again Wimbly, but our time is limited and we have some questions for you sent in by our listeners. They want to know more about you (and Spooner). You know, get to know you better and find out what sorts of things the two of you enjoy doing in your spare time...that sort of thing.
Wimbly: Ah well then my boy. Let's not keep the the good people waiting. Now, where shall I begin...Ah yes, I was a tadpole once.
Josh: Beg your pardon?
Wimbly: Sure and righty too. It was after Spooner and I had infiltrated the lair of an eeeevil Human Wizard (who used to feed his prisoners big gooey flattened pies called "pizza" with little fishes and sour fruit on them and the smell was worse than old Spooner here when he's got the indigestion...) Where was I?
Wimbly: Right! Well, we had been sent there on a super seeeecret mission that only the King...and his Fifth General Sir Wellington...and a few of the lower Lieutenants...one or two scribes, three of the Queen's Ladies in Waiting...six (no seven) members of our Pinochle club...and my little niece Lucy (because she had a cold that day and we couldn't leave her home, what with the explosion in the bathtub)...
Wimbly: As I was saying we had just finished (he he) procuring a sample of his secret experimental tooth-whitening potion, only it turns out we had swiped from the wrong container and then it got mixed up with Spooner's allergy curative and...
Josh: Ok. Thanks Wimbly; that's a great story. But, I think the audience wanted me to ask some of their questions...so if you don't mind we'll start with some of those ok?
Wimbly: Why of course my good man. What are you waiting for? We haven't got all day you know. Deadlines to meet, vegetables in the kettle don't boil without water that's what I always say. Come on then. Out with it already. Say, where did I put that tobaccin pipe. Spooner! What did you do with Mr. Beldofire!?
Josh: Uh. Why don't we take a little break. When we come back, an interview with Wimbly the Hauflin, one of Feonora's most heroi...um, well known figures.
Spooner: Burp! [Sproink!]
Josh: Ow! Why did he do that? [rubs head]
Wimbly: Spooner! What's the matter with you!?
Wimbly: He thought you were that Goblin who stole his hair brush.
End of Part 1 - An Interview with Wimbly